A facebook friend recently posted a link to a blog post where the woman discussed how blogging gives her the validation that stay-at-home moms crave. I completely related to this article, probably because i'm a stay-at-home mom, and a blogger. However, there was someone who criticized the author for not being sensitive to working mothers. This comment irked me, because in my opinion the author never mentioned working mothers, she wrote about how she feels as a stay-at-home mom. That is her perspective, so she gave her opinion based on the lens that she writes through.
As bloggers, we can only write what we know. Our thoughts, opinions, and tirades are filtered through our own experiences. We can't begin to know what it's like "on the other side." If I write about how hard my days at home are, and how much work I have to do, etc, etc., i'm not saying I have it harder than a working mother. I'm merely stating how i'm feeling at that moment, and what i'm going through. When a single mom writes about the difficulty she has when trying to deal with her sick child alone, she isn't claiming that married mothers have it easier. She's just writing about the unique challenges that come along with being a single mom. When this particular blogger stated that blogging gives stay-at-home moms validation in their jobs, she wasn't saying that other people choose to work out of the home just to get validation. She was simply saying that that part of her life had been missing, and blogging was a way to get it back. However, in all of these cases, there is always someone quick to chime in and berate the author for not being sensitive to people in the opposite position.
It is so hard for me to understand why these commenters do this. While disagreeing with the point of view of an author is acceptable, it's not ok for someone to tell anyone else that the way they feel is wrong. Bloggers don't write because they want to appease all of their readers. That would be an impossible job because we are all different, and all go through different experiences. It's great to find a blogger that you relate to, but even then there might be something that you disagree about, and there's nothing wrong with that! Even if two people went through the exact same experience, their thoughts, feelings, and way of dealing with it would be different. That's just the way the world works.
I'm sharing the link to the blog post, if anyone is interested. I personally do not see that it in any way puts down working mothers. But then again, that's because i'm reading it through the eyes of a stay-at-home mom. If anyone thinks differently, i'd love to get your opinion, so feel free to leave a comment!
http://www.mommypants.com/validation-its-the-new-blogging-black/
Friday, August 12, 2011
3 comments:
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Thanks for "getting" me. I do not begrudge the commenter. She was seeing through her own lens. But I totally get the larger issue of not EVERYTHING is a mommy war. Thanks for linking to me!!
ReplyDeleteMegan,
ReplyDeleteThis so helps put words to my frustration from yesterday. And I don't begrudge the commenter either, especially since she's a dear friend and I get why she may coming from an unusually sensitive place at this point in her life. That said, tone of the comments was less than respectful and definitely "mommy war"-esque...maybe that was why it hit a sore spot with you and I. Wish we could all agree to disagree. But like she said, our blogging voices are powerful--posts like this one included. Hope it helps us all see beyond our own lenses.
Thank you for your input ladies!
ReplyDeleteCheryl, you are completely right, she was reading through her own lens, and of course has the freedom to comment as she chooses. I just tried so hard to see where she was coming from, and couldn't. If your post in any way reflected a "my way is the only right way" attitude, the comment wouldn't have bothered me. But I couldn't see that in your writing at all. Perhaps I should work on not letting commenters get to me though :)
Jenny, I think that was my biggest point...I felt, as you said, that the comment was "mommy war-esque" and the mommy-wars are my biggest frustration with the internet!