My Advice for a Mom-to-Be

Today was the baby shower for my best friend since High School. She and her husband are "Auntie" and "Uncle" to my two little munchkins, and I am beyond thrilled that they will be welcoming their own little bundle of joy very soon!

During the shower we were discussing the fact that pregnant women seem to be public property. Complete strangers feel as if they have the right to touch your belly and offer up unsolicited advice. It can get annoying very quickly, as any pregnant woman knows.

As I reflected back on that conversation, I realized that too often new moms are also considered public property. So many other moms decide they need to share their horror stories, awful experiences, and bits of "helpful" advice. This so-called advice is often contradictory and confusing, and can make a new mom want to break down in tears. Between that and the magazine articles and parenting books that all espouse opposite practices and philosophies, you can be left feeling at a complete loss with no idea how to handle the brand new miracle that you have been blessed with.  

So, my dear friend A, as you embark on this new chapter of your life, I offer to you this list of friendly, sort of un-advice. I hope it will be helpful for those times when you hear people tell you their way is the only right way, or look at you in horror because you let your child sit in the shopping cart without a cover. 

-If you want to hold your baby, hold her. If you want her to learn to be put down, put her down.

-If you want to rock her to sleep, rock her. Want her to put herself to sleep? Put her down awake or sleep train.

-Want to nurse (or bottle feed) on demand? Do it. If you prefer a schedule, set a schedule.

-You want to co-sleep? Just do it safely. Prefer her to sleep in her own bed? That's fine too!

-If you think something is wrong and you're not sure whether to call the Dr, just call. It will make you feel better, and all pediatricians are used to those 3am phone calls from new moms. 

-Trust yourself. You have already known your baby for almost 9 months. You are a mom, and your instincts are strong.

-You don't want your child dependent on a pacifier? Don't use it. Your baby has been crying endlessly and you decide you can't take it anymore? Go out and buy some, and use them as long as you want to. 

-Seek advice from people who can truly help. Your mom, your close mom friends, and your pediatrician. If the advice is contradictory, trust that you know what's best!

-Know that total strangers will love to tell you things. Sometimes the only way to handle it is to smile, walk away quickly, while all the while thinking  "Sure lady, my baby should be wearing socks even though it's 101 degrees outside. I'm sure her feet are freezing. Thanks."

-Find a group of mom friends that you are comfortable with. They don't all have to share the same philosophies as you, but they should accept you and the choices you make for your baby. Having people going through the same stage of baby-hood as you will be a life-saver. (And an online support system is great too because you can usually always find someone awake with you at 2am. It helps you feel less alone!) 

-And lastly, know that i'm always here for you, to listen, to share my personal experiences, and to be a shoulder to lean on. You're going to be an awesome mom, and I can't wait for you to meet your new little baby!!

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Newborn Essentials

I recently read an article that detailed the "Baby Essentials" that every new mom should have. As I skimmed through the list, I definitely agreed with many of the listed items, but there were an equal amount that I have absolutely no use for. It made me realize that the things you need really do vary from child to child and mom to mom. I've even noticed differences myself, from things I used for Stephanie that I don't for Joseph, and things I use for him that I didn't for her. Below, I've listed 5 things that I couldn't live without for this new baby.

Essentials:

1. Boppy Pillow.
    I'm not breastfeeding, however I do use the Boppy on a daily basis. Joseph is a baby that LOVES to be held. I'm talking all day every day. My arm gets tired, so while i'm sitting down with him, I use it to help support them. I also use it for propping. If I need to put him down and don't feel like strapping him into his swing or vibrating chair, I just prop him up on the Boppy on the floor.

2. Baby Swing
     Stephanie didn't use the swing much at all. I remember thinking it was a waste of money because she honestly wasn't thrilled with it, instead preferring the vibrating bouncy chair. But Joseph adores his swing, and it's one of the few places that I can put him down and have him be content for 15 minutes or so. He'll also sleep in it on occasion, which is helpful when we're trying to eat dinner as a family and he's napping.

3. Playtex Drop-In Bottles
     We live in the dark ages around here, meaning we don't have a dishwasher. We're also bottle feeding, which means we have to take time to wash bottles. (I also have to say that I wouldn't put bottles in the dishwasher anyway. I'm much too picky, and prefer to hand-wash so I can be sure they're completely cleaned and rinsed.) Anyway, these bottles use disposable liners, so the only parts that need to be washed are the nipples and rings. Once a week I give the actual bottle a scrub, but for daily use, it doesn't need to be washed since it never comes in contact with any liquid. It is a huge time saver, especially since most other bottles on the market have 6 or 7 parts that need to be washed every time.

4. Waterproof Changing Pad Protectors
     When Stephanie was a newborn, we had to change her velour changing pad cover at least once a day, because I never realized that they make protectors that you can use to cover up the velour and keep it clean. I bought some before having Joseph, and it is truly a lifesaver. Instead of having to take time to change the whole cover while wrangling a squirming, screaming baby, I just fold it up under him if it gets dirty, and take it off and replace it with another one when he's dressed again. Easy and so helpful!

5. Halo Sleep Sack
    This is another item that I never had for Stephanie. She was born in February, and was swaddled at night, so the issue of blankets was never a problem. But we don't swaddle Joseph, and it's starting to get cold at night so I went out and bought a Halo Sleep Sack. It was an awesome purchase! It's basically a wearable blanket that you put over the baby's jammies, and it zips from top to bottom. Then, when you do middle of the night changes, you don't need to worry about taking it off, because you just unzip a little of the bottom, lift his legs out, and re-zip when you're done. It keeps him warm and snug at night, and there is no concern about suffocation from blankets. This is by far my favorite new discovery!

I'm sure there are other things that I find invaluable, but right now these are my top 5. I also wanted to list some things that I have no use for, but since both kids and my husband are sleeping, I think it's time for me to get some much needed mommy down time! And hey, now I have a blog topic for next time!

*UPDATE!*
I'm linking up with Melissa from Growing Up Geeky today (8/21/12). Even though this is an old post, it still holds true as my list of best-loved newborn items. I teared up a little as I read it, because he doesn't use any of these things anymore (except for the bottles) now that he's a big 10 month old.

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3 Day Weekend

Well, it is officially two days past my due date. In order to not drive myself crazy all day every day, we spent this three-day weekend keeping busy, and having a lot of quality family time!

On Saturday (due date day!), we went to the playground for an hour and a half. Stephanie had a blast on the swings, climbing all over the equipment, and sliding down the slides. After nap, we went to the ocean and took a long walk on the sea wall. Stephanie adored looking at the water, pointing out the birds, and looking for helicopters. (She also threw a huge fit when it was time to leave. It was slightly amusing to watch Dan as he attempted to wrangle her into her carseat.)

I woke up on Sunday still pregnant, but determined not to mope around all day. We went for a 40 minute walk,  since we are having unseasonably warm weather, and it was beautiful out. In the afternoon we ran errands. I was hit with a huge burst of energy after that, so I washed a sink full of dishes, and made dinner. When Stephanie went to bed, I changed the sheets on our bed, sorted a load of laundry for Dan to put in, and cleaned the bathroom. I was hoping this was some sort of nesting instinct.

Today, I had to go for a non-stress test. Joseph was very cooperative, so we weren't there very long. Then Dan and I went grocery shopping (he had the day off for Columbus Day, which was a nice treat!). We spent the rest of the day at my mom's house.

Tomorrow Dan goes back to work for one day (my induction is Thursday, and I need to go in on Wednesday afternoon to start the process, so he is taking the day off.) I think Stephanie and I might just spend the day at home, getting last minute baby preparations done, and spending some quality time together.

Even though it has been frustrating that i'm overdue, i'm doing my best to just enjoy these last few days as a family of three! I am so excited to embark on our new adventure, but I also know it's going to be very tiring. So i'm making the most of the time we have now, and really making sure that I give Stephanie a lot of attention. It also makes it easier that I know for sure he will be here in three days!

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Tomorrow...

...is my due date. And as of right now, there are no signs that this baby is anywhere near coming out. (Although, as everyone likes to tell me, things can change in an instant.) Strangely enough, today I don't care that he isn't out. It feels like just a regular, pregnant day, not THE DAY BEFORE MY DUE DATE.

I thought i'd be freaking out and upset that he isn't here. (Since that's pretty much what I've been doing and feeling for the past few weeks.) But i'm just not. It doesn't seem real, I guess. I'm also still busy doing all the normal mommy things, whereas in the days leading up to my induction with Stephanie I just sat around hoping that i'd go into labor. I guess that must make a difference. Keeping busy is awesome, and in fact, we're heading out to Babies R Us this afternoon. (With my first pregnancy, I wouldn't venture a half an hour away. I was too afraid of going into labor. This time I honestly don't think it's happening anytime soon, so going "far away" doesn't seem like a big deal.)

At the Dr's yesterday, I was still only 1cm dilated. But she said that his head has dropped even lower, and my cervix had moved into the anterior position, as opposed to the posterior. (This is a good thing apparently.) I'm still on for an induction on the 13th. I actually have to go in the night before again, to start the dilation process. But she did tell me that if I go in and am 2 or 3cm, I can go home and come back first thing in the morning. Dan was not happy to hear that first thing meant 6:30am, so I think he's hoping that I won't be dilated the night before. Oh, and I need to do a baseline non-stress test on Monday. I guess they like to do that for post due date babies. I had to do two of those when pregnant with Stephanie, because of my high blood pressure. They are actually boring, but i'm making Dan come with me, to keep me entertained.

In terms of feeling "ready for baby", I think I am. We've prepared, prepared, and prepared, so now it's time to just relax and enjoy whatever time we have left as a family of three. For me, this means watching TV and reading at night instead of feeding and sleeping whenever I have the chance. It also means spending as much quality time with Stephanie as I can, and maybe even sneaking in some quality time with Dan. (By quality time, I mean watching TV together, or maybe playing some Wii.)

So as of right now, the wait is on, and I will do my best to update the blog as soon as I can after he is born!

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Less than two weeks!

There is one week and 4 days left until my due date. Still nothing even close to indicating labor. I've stopped analyzing my false contractions, and look at them as nothing more than a nuisance at this point. Sleeping, which had not been a problem up until last night, is now painful. I sleep on my side, and every hour last night I woke up with hip pain from the side I was lying on. Rolling over isn't exactly easy, since I basically have to sit up and move myself around. Then I would decide, hey, I should go to the bathroom since i'm half-way up anyway. Needless to say, I didn't get a lot of sleep last night. 

I'm doing everything I can to stay active and busy. For one thing, it keeps my mind off the fact that i'm so incredibly pregnant, and for another, I'm hoping all the walking/moving around will either speed things up or help out when I go to deliver.

We spent Saturday doing last minute Joseph shopping at Babies R Us. I think we now have everything we need for him, for at least his first few days at home. I'm sure there will be things we'll need to rush out and get after those first few days, but at least we won't need to get anything on the day we bring him home.

Sunday we had two of our best couple friends over, one of which has a toddler Stephanie's age. It was a lot of fun, and I had tons of energy when they left, so I cleaned the apartment with Stephanie's help. (She followed me around, vacuuming with her vacuum, telling me what each dish it was that I was washing, and picking up all her toys for me.) I was hoping maybe that burst of cleaning energy was nesting, but I guess not, since he's still here! (I was also kind of hoping that I would have had to call my friends that morning and say "Change of plans! Come to the hospital to meet the baby!") 

Yesterday we had a play-date with my sister and niece, and the little girl I used to nanny for and her mommy. They all came to our apartment, and it was so fun to watch the girls play together. 

Today I went to the grocery store, and parked far away from the entrance. I was hoping that between the walk to and from the store, walking through the aisles, and lugging all the groceries, something would happen. Again...not so much.

I know  that the baby will come when he's ready, and it's not like i'm over-due or anything. I just keep hearing all these stories about second babies coming early and easily. (Well, easier than first babies.) I guess that the earlier thing isn't necessarily true. But i'm still holding out for the easy! And in the meantime, i'm going to continue to keep busy, because if nothing else, it makes it so that I don't spend undue amounts of time thinking "When is he coming? Why isn't he here yet?" 

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37 Weeks Tomorrow!

Holy Cow, I will be 37 weeks pregnant tomorrow. That's officially full-term, meaning that if he chooses to come early, he should be completely healthy. Yay! That's always such an exciting milestone to reach.

I've been feeling very...weird lately. Extra crampy and tons of Braxton Hicks contractions, coupled with pressure and other pre-labor symptoms that I won't write about because they're kinda gross.

I went to the Dr yesterday, and she confirmed that he is indeed head down. YAY! No breech baby for me. I'm completely relieved because, since my first baby was not a c-section, I really didn't want this one to be. (Of course, I would have done it if it was best for baby...but i'm glad that's not an issue.)

I have no dilation yet, but my cervix is softening. (Ok, that's one of those things i'm not sure whether I should blog about. Is that TMI and gross to read about? Sorry if it is.) But, at least these painful contractions are doing SOMETHING. And they are ultimately preparing my body for delivery, so I try to remember that when they start to irritate and annoy me.

We're semi-ready for him if he chooses to make his appearance. There are still a few more things to buy, we need to install the car-seat and set up the stroller, and I need to finish packing the hospital bags. But, in the grand scheme of things, if he comes today we're pretty much ready.

I know that the longer he's in there, the better it is for him. But let me tell you, there are days when I just WANT THIS KID OUT!!! I'm ready to start our new adventure. I want to stop wondering/worry about Stephanie's reaction. I want to know how the labor/delivery are going to go. I want to feel like a normal-sized human being again.

 Then on the other hand, I think that it won't be so bad if he waits all the way until his due date to make his grand appearance. Those thoughts come when we have nice lazy mornings like today's, where Stephanie sleeps until 7:30, and I get to write a blog while she plays, with no newborn screaming and needing to be changed/fed/rocked. I guess I just need to realize that it's one of those things where all I can do is be prepared, and accept the fact that I won't know when he's going to arrive. In the meantime, I need to embrace, enjoy, and soak up these days, because our lives are going to change in a huge way in just 3 short weeks!

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Baby to-do List

I feel pretty comfortable with how much we've done to prepare for this little bundle that is arriving in (gulp) 8.5 weeks. Over the course of the summer, i've tried to get as much stuff done as possible, because the last two weeks in August and the first week of September are going to be crazy. Part of Dan's job involves training new staff members for three weeks, which means we do not see him for the duration of that time. (Ok, we see him a little. But never for meals, or Stephanie's bedtime.) This three weeks includes weekends, which means that everything we have to get done needs to be done already, or get done after that three week period.

Here is what we've done so far:

-Moved furniture out of the nursery. Once Joseph is sleeping for a big chunk of time at night, he'll move into Stephanie's room with her. To make room for the toddler bed we'll be getting, we moved the changing table into the dining room, and the glider into the living room. (We live in an apartment, so space is at a premium.)

-Started a baby registry. I'm not having a shower this time, so I mostly did it to organize my thoughts on what we need for this little guy. 99% of the baby stuff we have from Stephanie is pink, and I just cannot put my son to sleep on pink sheets, or use pink burp cloths for him. I also included things like pacifiers, bottle nipples, etc. We've gotten quite a few gifts already, thanks to my amazing friend who gave us a mini-shower. I also pick things up here and there when I have a coupon. At this point we have about half of what we'll need for those first few weeks.

-Made room in our bedroom for the bassinet. With Stephanie, I put it right next to my bed, and had to push it away every time I needed to get in or out of bed. So we cleared some space, and hopefully it will be easier this time.

-Switched Stephanie's closet. The nursery has a big closet that Dan was using, and an armoire that was for Stephanie. Her enormous wardrobe was bursting from the armoire, which meant there was no room for poor Joseph's clothes. So, we gave the kids the big closet, I gave Dan the closet in our bedroom, and I took the smallish armoire. (Dan's work clothes for both summer and winter need to stay hanging year round, whereas I can switch stuff seasonally. So even though i'm the woman, and have a bigger wardrobe, I took the small closet. Oh the sacrifices of a mommy :)

It seems like we've accomplished so much, and we have. Most of what we have left doesn't need to be done until about that 3 or 4 weeks before baby. This includes:

-Buying a going-home outfit for him.

-Washing all his clothes, sheets, bibs, burpcloths, etc.

-Digging out the swing & bouncy chair, washing them, and reassembling them.

-Setting up the bassinet.

-Buying the rest of the stuff from the registry that we're going to need right away.

-Packing the hospital bag.

-Packing Stephanie's bag that she'll take with her when she spends the two hospital nights at my parent's house.

I'm actually looking forward to doing all those items, especially washing the clothes. I want to do it now, but i'm making myself wait until labor day weekend. I know it will all get done, and amazingly I don't feel stressed about doing it all. Yay for actually being relaxed about something!

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