My Advice for a Mom-to-Be

Today was the baby shower for my best friend since High School. She and her husband are "Auntie" and "Uncle" to my two little munchkins, and I am beyond thrilled that they will be welcoming their own little bundle of joy very soon!

During the shower we were discussing the fact that pregnant women seem to be public property. Complete strangers feel as if they have the right to touch your belly and offer up unsolicited advice. It can get annoying very quickly, as any pregnant woman knows.

As I reflected back on that conversation, I realized that too often new moms are also considered public property. So many other moms decide they need to share their horror stories, awful experiences, and bits of "helpful" advice. This so-called advice is often contradictory and confusing, and can make a new mom want to break down in tears. Between that and the magazine articles and parenting books that all espouse opposite practices and philosophies, you can be left feeling at a complete loss with no idea how to handle the brand new miracle that you have been blessed with.  

So, my dear friend A, as you embark on this new chapter of your life, I offer to you this list of friendly, sort of un-advice. I hope it will be helpful for those times when you hear people tell you their way is the only right way, or look at you in horror because you let your child sit in the shopping cart without a cover. 

-If you want to hold your baby, hold her. If you want her to learn to be put down, put her down.

-If you want to rock her to sleep, rock her. Want her to put herself to sleep? Put her down awake or sleep train.

-Want to nurse (or bottle feed) on demand? Do it. If you prefer a schedule, set a schedule.

-You want to co-sleep? Just do it safely. Prefer her to sleep in her own bed? That's fine too!

-If you think something is wrong and you're not sure whether to call the Dr, just call. It will make you feel better, and all pediatricians are used to those 3am phone calls from new moms. 

-Trust yourself. You have already known your baby for almost 9 months. You are a mom, and your instincts are strong.

-You don't want your child dependent on a pacifier? Don't use it. Your baby has been crying endlessly and you decide you can't take it anymore? Go out and buy some, and use them as long as you want to. 

-Seek advice from people who can truly help. Your mom, your close mom friends, and your pediatrician. If the advice is contradictory, trust that you know what's best!

-Know that total strangers will love to tell you things. Sometimes the only way to handle it is to smile, walk away quickly, while all the while thinking  "Sure lady, my baby should be wearing socks even though it's 101 degrees outside. I'm sure her feet are freezing. Thanks."

-Find a group of mom friends that you are comfortable with. They don't all have to share the same philosophies as you, but they should accept you and the choices you make for your baby. Having people going through the same stage of baby-hood as you will be a life-saver. (And an online support system is great too because you can usually always find someone awake with you at 2am. It helps you feel less alone!) 

-And lastly, know that i'm always here for you, to listen, to share my personal experiences, and to be a shoulder to lean on. You're going to be an awesome mom, and I can't wait for you to meet your new little baby!!

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Pregnancy Highlights

My pregnancy is officially coming to an end. If Joseph hasn't arrived by tomorrow night, I head to the hospital to begin the induction process. Even though I've been hoping and waiting to go into labor, it hasn't felt completely real until now. (Probably because there is an absolute end date in sight right now.)  

I was thrilled to get pregnant again. I adored being pregnant with Stephanie, and couldn't wait to experience the process all over again. While pregnant with her, I completely enjoyed watching my belly grow, taking pictures, picking out cute maternity clothes, buying itty bitty baby clothes, and dreaming about our growing family. It was never an option for us to only have one child, so when Stephanie was 10.5 months old, and we started discussing expanding our family, I was more than ready. I never expected it to happen so soon (Stephanie took 7 months to conceive), and I never expected the pregnancy to go so fast. The process was entirely different this time around, some parts better and some parts worse. And even though I didn't get to keep a pregnancy journal this time, I have been using my blog as a way to commemorate and remember this special time. Now, with it being so close to the end, I felt like today was a great day to kind of wrap things up by highlighting the best parts.

-Knowing I was pregnant before taking the test. 

     Even though I thought it would take a long time for me to get pregnant again, I somehow knew, almost the minute I conceived, that I was in fact pregnant. A peace and happiness settled over me, and deep in my heart I knew that there was a tiny life starting to form, even though my mind was saying "no way, it took 7 months with Stephanie. You could not have gotten pregnant on the first try this time." Yet, when I took the test and saw the bright plus sign, I wasn't in the least bit surprised. 

-How we told our family and friends.

     I got the positive pregnancy test result on January 31st. Stephanie's birthday party was scheduled for February 12th, and all of our closest friends and family were going to be there. It was the perfect time to announce it to everyone, in person. We wrapped up a big sister shirt for Stephanie, and gave it to her as her final present. It was such an amazing thing to watch everyone's reactions when we held up that shirt, and to see how excited they all were for us.

-Teaching Stephanie that there was a baby in Mommy's Belly

     I can't really remember when we first started talking about the baby, and telling Stephanie that he/she was in my tummy. But for as long as I can remember, she's known, and it is adorable to watch her rub my tummy, kiss her brother, and talk about him. (When we ask her who loves her, she says "Mommy, Daddy, Joe-Joe.") Now, whenever the name Joseph comes up in any conversation, she runs over to give my belly a quick rub. I know it will be a big shock for her when he is actually here, and not inside of me, but in the meantime, watching her grow to love my expanding belly has been such a miracle for us. 

-Finding out that it was a boy!

     I actually thought I was having a girl. (Part of that may have just been me wanting a chance to re-use all of the adorable baby girl clothes that Stephanie outgrew way too fast.) But when the ultrasound technician showed us that he was, without doubt, a little boy, I was overjoyed. I couldn't wait to start buying little boy clothes, and I was thrilled that my husband would have a chance to form a father/son bond with Joseph, much the way I have the mother/daughter bond with Stephanie.

-Being much more active

      During my pregnancy with Stephanie, I stopped working at 13 weeks, and developed high blood pressure. That meant I needed to slow down my activity level. I was hardly active at all, and that was one of the reason I gained 45 lbs. I only gained 30 this time, and my energy level has been higher, since i'm much busier. I've been told that should help with the labor and delivery too, which i'm hopeful for. Being so active also made the past 9 months (except for these past few weeks), go by so fast. 

-Bonding with my son

     I never once doubted that I would love my second baby as much as my first. I have always believed in a mother's ability to love every child that God sends to her, and am so excited to cuddle and love this baby when he comes out. What I wasn't expecting was the enormous bond I would feel for him already. I obviously felt bonded to Stephanie while she was inside of me, and loved her from the minute I found out she was on her way. But I spent a great deal of that pregnancy nervous and anxious about labor, delivery, and being a first-time mom. This time around, i'm confident in my body's ability to birth this baby. I also know that, while I am far, far from perfect, being a mom is the most amazing job in the world, and I know I can do a good job raising my children. Those factors have eased a lot of the anxiety that I felt before, and have allowed me to focus more of my mental energy on the bonding aspect of growing a child. 

There are many more things about this pregnancy that I have loved (and plenty of others that have been irksome...a post for another time!) However, I feel like these six do a pretty good job of summing up why I've loved this pregnancy. For anyone that has read along right from the beginning, thank you, and I can't wait to share the news of Joseph's arrival with you. If you're someone who only recently started reading, or who only reads once in a while, thank you for checking the blog out. I hope you'll come back again, and I appreciate everyone who takes the time to check out my ramblings. The next time I post, I will officially be a Mommy of Two under Two! 

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3 Day Weekend

Well, it is officially two days past my due date. In order to not drive myself crazy all day every day, we spent this three-day weekend keeping busy, and having a lot of quality family time!

On Saturday (due date day!), we went to the playground for an hour and a half. Stephanie had a blast on the swings, climbing all over the equipment, and sliding down the slides. After nap, we went to the ocean and took a long walk on the sea wall. Stephanie adored looking at the water, pointing out the birds, and looking for helicopters. (She also threw a huge fit when it was time to leave. It was slightly amusing to watch Dan as he attempted to wrangle her into her carseat.)

I woke up on Sunday still pregnant, but determined not to mope around all day. We went for a 40 minute walk,  since we are having unseasonably warm weather, and it was beautiful out. In the afternoon we ran errands. I was hit with a huge burst of energy after that, so I washed a sink full of dishes, and made dinner. When Stephanie went to bed, I changed the sheets on our bed, sorted a load of laundry for Dan to put in, and cleaned the bathroom. I was hoping this was some sort of nesting instinct.

Today, I had to go for a non-stress test. Joseph was very cooperative, so we weren't there very long. Then Dan and I went grocery shopping (he had the day off for Columbus Day, which was a nice treat!). We spent the rest of the day at my mom's house.

Tomorrow Dan goes back to work for one day (my induction is Thursday, and I need to go in on Wednesday afternoon to start the process, so he is taking the day off.) I think Stephanie and I might just spend the day at home, getting last minute baby preparations done, and spending some quality time together.

Even though it has been frustrating that i'm overdue, i'm doing my best to just enjoy these last few days as a family of three! I am so excited to embark on our new adventure, but I also know it's going to be very tiring. So i'm making the most of the time we have now, and really making sure that I give Stephanie a lot of attention. It also makes it easier that I know for sure he will be here in three days!

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Tomorrow...

...is my due date. And as of right now, there are no signs that this baby is anywhere near coming out. (Although, as everyone likes to tell me, things can change in an instant.) Strangely enough, today I don't care that he isn't out. It feels like just a regular, pregnant day, not THE DAY BEFORE MY DUE DATE.

I thought i'd be freaking out and upset that he isn't here. (Since that's pretty much what I've been doing and feeling for the past few weeks.) But i'm just not. It doesn't seem real, I guess. I'm also still busy doing all the normal mommy things, whereas in the days leading up to my induction with Stephanie I just sat around hoping that i'd go into labor. I guess that must make a difference. Keeping busy is awesome, and in fact, we're heading out to Babies R Us this afternoon. (With my first pregnancy, I wouldn't venture a half an hour away. I was too afraid of going into labor. This time I honestly don't think it's happening anytime soon, so going "far away" doesn't seem like a big deal.)

At the Dr's yesterday, I was still only 1cm dilated. But she said that his head has dropped even lower, and my cervix had moved into the anterior position, as opposed to the posterior. (This is a good thing apparently.) I'm still on for an induction on the 13th. I actually have to go in the night before again, to start the dilation process. But she did tell me that if I go in and am 2 or 3cm, I can go home and come back first thing in the morning. Dan was not happy to hear that first thing meant 6:30am, so I think he's hoping that I won't be dilated the night before. Oh, and I need to do a baseline non-stress test on Monday. I guess they like to do that for post due date babies. I had to do two of those when pregnant with Stephanie, because of my high blood pressure. They are actually boring, but i'm making Dan come with me, to keep me entertained.

In terms of feeling "ready for baby", I think I am. We've prepared, prepared, and prepared, so now it's time to just relax and enjoy whatever time we have left as a family of three. For me, this means watching TV and reading at night instead of feeding and sleeping whenever I have the chance. It also means spending as much quality time with Stephanie as I can, and maybe even sneaking in some quality time with Dan. (By quality time, I mean watching TV together, or maybe playing some Wii.)

So as of right now, the wait is on, and I will do my best to update the blog as soon as I can after he is born!

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37 Weeks Tomorrow!

Holy Cow, I will be 37 weeks pregnant tomorrow. That's officially full-term, meaning that if he chooses to come early, he should be completely healthy. Yay! That's always such an exciting milestone to reach.

I've been feeling very...weird lately. Extra crampy and tons of Braxton Hicks contractions, coupled with pressure and other pre-labor symptoms that I won't write about because they're kinda gross.

I went to the Dr yesterday, and she confirmed that he is indeed head down. YAY! No breech baby for me. I'm completely relieved because, since my first baby was not a c-section, I really didn't want this one to be. (Of course, I would have done it if it was best for baby...but i'm glad that's not an issue.)

I have no dilation yet, but my cervix is softening. (Ok, that's one of those things i'm not sure whether I should blog about. Is that TMI and gross to read about? Sorry if it is.) But, at least these painful contractions are doing SOMETHING. And they are ultimately preparing my body for delivery, so I try to remember that when they start to irritate and annoy me.

We're semi-ready for him if he chooses to make his appearance. There are still a few more things to buy, we need to install the car-seat and set up the stroller, and I need to finish packing the hospital bags. But, in the grand scheme of things, if he comes today we're pretty much ready.

I know that the longer he's in there, the better it is for him. But let me tell you, there are days when I just WANT THIS KID OUT!!! I'm ready to start our new adventure. I want to stop wondering/worry about Stephanie's reaction. I want to know how the labor/delivery are going to go. I want to feel like a normal-sized human being again.

 Then on the other hand, I think that it won't be so bad if he waits all the way until his due date to make his grand appearance. Those thoughts come when we have nice lazy mornings like today's, where Stephanie sleeps until 7:30, and I get to write a blog while she plays, with no newborn screaming and needing to be changed/fed/rocked. I guess I just need to realize that it's one of those things where all I can do is be prepared, and accept the fact that I won't know when he's going to arrive. In the meantime, I need to embrace, enjoy, and soak up these days, because our lives are going to change in a huge way in just 3 short weeks!

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Some Positive Thoughts

I feel like I do a lot of complaining on this blog, particularly in regards to my pregnancy. I tend to mention the exhaustion, the aching back, how difficult it is to parent a young toddler while being pregnant, how the heat is getting to me, etc. I'm getting a little sick of it myself (the complaining, not the pregnancy) so I thought to change things up, i'd write about some of the positive pregnancy-related things i'm experiencing.

First of all, I feel so much more confident this time around. I know i'm capable of growing this little nugget into a full-fledged human being, and i'm relishing the fact that my body is nourishing and sustaining him. Every day I am thankful for the blessing of being his mommy, and some of the best moments of my day are when i'm sitting still, hands on my belly, experiencing all of his acrobatics.

I also love my pregnant body so much more this time. I started out this pregnancy so focused on keeping the weight down, and while i've slipped a little recently, all-in-all its been a success. I strongly feel that keeping the weight in check is correlated to keeping my blood pressure down, which makes me feel so good about my ability to take control over my health. I'm carrying very differently this time around as well, and have more of that "basketball under my shirt" belly. I love that, and love showing it off with the maternity clothes that I proudly wear.

That brings me to the subject of maternity clothes, which I consider a big perk of pregnancy. So many people loathe them, but I love them! Stretchy panels that don't dig into your belly like regular pants, and loose, drapey shirts (or tighter ones...I wear both!) where the emphasis is on your belly. At what other time are you happy and excited to show off your belly?? I know during "normal" times i'm constantly trying to find shirts that hide, not show off, my stomach. There is none of that concern during pregnancy, at least for me.

I also love thinking about, and preparing for, the arrival of my little bundle. I feel much more prepared this time around, in terms of knowing what to expect. I know that i'll need time to heal, and that i'll be tired, and not feel like myself. I also know that things could be completely different this time, and i'm open to that as well. I have no expectations, i'm just going to take it as it comes. I'm going to be breastfeeding (hopefully) this time, which is going to introduce a whole new set of feelings and experiences, and again i'm open to it.

I can't promise that I won't spend the next 9 weeks complaining about things. In fact, i'll warn you right now that it's pretty much guaranteed that at least once a week i'll post a whiny entry. But hey, that's just because it's honest, and how I'm feeling in the moment. But at least now you know that I really do cherish this time of my life, this baby, this pregnancy. I'm thankful every single day for the blessing that I carry around in my body.

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Family Time

We just ended a fun-filled weekend with family in town from New York. (Oh, and I do realize that it's still the weekend...but all the fun started on Thursday for us, and is pretty much over now. I'm considering tomorrow just a day to rest and catch up on my poor, neglected housework.) Dan's Mom and her husband arrived Thursday afternoon, and took us out to dinner. Stephanie was still under the weather, but she had a lot of fun with her Grandma and Grandpa. We went to a delicious restaurant down by the water, which happily brought the temperature down a little. (We've been in the middle of a horrendous heat-wave!)

Yesterday we took our little one to the Dr to check on her fever, which luckily is nothing more than a summer virus. Then, last night we went to a wedding for Dan's cousin, which was the reason all the relatives were in town. It was beautiful, but HOT! We were all dripping sweat, but still managed to have a fun time, and the bride and groom were dazzling and happy. Stephanie was dancing up a storm, and seemed to revel in the attention she was getting from everyone. They were all excited to see her, especially since it was a rare opportunity to spend time with Dan's family here in our neck of the woods. Typically if we see them at family occasions we are the ones who have to travel.

This morning we went out for a late breakfast with my MIL, and took a trip to Babies R Us so she could spoil our children. Then they came back to our apartment to spend some time before they headed home. I was happy that Stephanie was able to get some bonding time in with her Grandma, since they don't get to spend much time together. My parents see her at least once a week, and I know it's hard for Dan's mom to know that she doesn't have that opportunity. But, it just makes the time that they do get to spend together that much more special.

In baby Joseph news, I hit 29 weeks today. When I was 29 weeks along with Stephanie, I had my baby shower, and remember feeling that there was still so much time left before she would arrive. Right now all I can think of it "11 weeks? That's it??" There's still so much to do, but oddly enough i'm not stressing out about it. Which is VERY rare for me. However, somehow I seem to feel that it will all get done when it gets done, and I know things will be ready for him when he arrives. (As long as he doesn't show up too early!)

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