Tantrums, Tantrums

Stephanie is two. And with that comes temper tantrums. We went through an awful phase with them a few weeks ago, right around Easter time. At one point Dan suggested we stop letting her have a piece of Easter candy after every meal. His thinking was that she was having too much refined sugar and it was affecting her badly. Lo and behold, his solution worked. With no candy in her system, the temper tantrums dropped down to almost none.

However, this week we have all been a little off. We're tired from Joseph's lack of sleep, and everyone seems to be coming down with a slight spring cold. When we stayed home on Monday and Tuesday, Stephanie spent both days watching TV, cuddling in bed, and reading books, trying to fight her cold.

On Wednesday we finally left the house to go to Storytime. The first few minutes were great. Stephanie loves Miss T. the librarian, she loves the songs and she loves the crafts. But when it was time to sit and listen to the book, she ran off and crawled under one of the tables. I let her go, figuring it was fine, she wasn't bothering anyone and was just sitting there quietly. But then she started slamming the metal bar that attaches the table legs together and it made a loud, echoing sound throughout the whole room. I pulled her out, told her she was being too loud and that she needed to stay out from under the table. She threw a massive tantrum. Instead of trying to diffuse it while Miss T. was reading, I took her by the hand, and we walked out.

And I felt horrible. I felt like every other mom was looking at my as if I were so mean. (Also as if I couldn't control my child. But I didn't care as much about that because I've come to realize that Stephanie is strong-willed and although I can do many things to help prevent or diffuse tantrums, there are times when they are going to occur no matter what.)

As soon as we got in the car I posted on Twitter about how horrible I felt. I received responses immediately from other moms saying that I had done the right thing, and that it was what they too would have done in a similar situation. That made me feel better, and reminded me again why I love social media. The support you receive from other moms is unparalleled, and it's nice to know that there are others out there who won't judge you and who will validate the decisions you make as a mom. We went out to lunch with my parents and sister later that day, and they too agreed that I had done the right thing.

I have definitely learned that there are specific triggers that cause Stephanie's tantrums. Things like too much sugar, being tired, not feeling just right, etc. But the biggest one is being told she can't have what she wants when she wants it or being told she can't do exactly what she wants when she wants to do it. (This is because she's two.)  I've also learned that those are the times when it's important to stand my ground. To teach her that she can't have/do everything she wants immediately, and that it's not ok to respond to that by throwing tantrums.

I didn't yell at her, and when we got in the car she calmed down and we talked about how her behavior was inappropriate and caused her to miss the rest of Storytime. She seemed to understand, and we also discussed why I had pulled her out from under the table in the first place. We talked about how that made her feel, and ways she could have expressed those feelings without throwing a tantrum. When she calms down, she's always able to talk about the situation with me, and although it's a slow process I really believe that she is learning appropriate ways to deal with her feelings of frustration.

Toddlers don't throw tantrums to be manipulative, although it might seem like it at the time. They are exercising their autonomy, trying to learn about their world, and working on understanding why they feel the way they do. If any of you are dealing with tantrums, Katie recently wrote this article for Yahoo! Voices, which contains a lot of valuable tips for dealing with them. I highly recommend it!

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Storytime

I made the decision to start taking Stephanie to storytime at the local library. I decided she needed exposure to both other children and a semi-structured environment.

At first I didn't want to make the commitment, since Joseph is due in less than 3 weeks (!), but then I read up on it, and realized that this year they are doing drop-in storytime instead of registration. This means I can show up when I want, and not show up when I don't want to. Perfect for my situation! I was really excited this morning, and since Stephanie has started showing greater amounts of concentration with playing, and a greater attention span for activities, I figured she'd do great. Well....not so much.

We got there early, so I took her to the children's room. She loves library children's rooms, and runs all over, looking at books, coloring, and playing with the toys. When I told her it was time to go to storytime, she was game, and walked with me to the meeting room.

 The librarian started by blowing bubbles, so Stephanie was captivated. But then the bubbles went away, and she didn't understand why. (More bubbles Mama, more bubbles!) Then the librarian started reading the story, and Stephanie wanted nothing to do with that. She went over to this little ledge/step thing where all the librarian "stuff" was. She just wanted to climb up and down, so I let her, until another child joined her, and that mom went right over and brought her back to the group. Ooops. So I got my kid, and brought her back, too. Mine didn't react quite as calmly as the other one.

 Then we did some songs, and she liked those. But after the first two, she was done, and kept trying to escape the meeting room to go back to the library. I dragged her back, kicking and screaming.

 Then the parachute came out, and she loved that. But then it went away, and the tears started. (More Mama, more!) The end of storytime involved free-play with blocks. She was interested for about five minutes, and then that was it. I finally took her back to the children's room and let her play for a few minutes.

After that, I took her across the street to the playground, which she loves. Some of the other moms and children were there too, so I struck up a conversation with a few of them. (Nobody seemed horribly appalled by my child's behavior, so that was good. Even though she was the only one who didn't seem interested in the song and stories. More proof that I should have been taking her to structured classes sooner than 19 months.)

In the end, I decided that this was a good experience. (Bet you weren't expecting me to say that!) But it showed me that I need to consistently bring her back so that she gets used to it. I need to be encouraging, and show her how much fun i'm having. (Which would be easier if I wasn't about to give birth, but oh well.) I'm actually looking forward to going again, and I hope Stephanie will enjoy it more and more each time we go.

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